Dreaming of Answers

Hello there! This week has been a roller coaster, mostly going down. Last weekend was amazing! I had a great time with my friends, and this guy I've been talking about talked to me online for a while, and I told him I liked him! Then it all came crashing down. But not all at once. Seeing him for the first time was scary and invigorating at the same time. After I told him how he felt, he didn't tell me how he felt. I had no idea, so I was nervous to see him. Although nerves took over my body, I couldn't help but get a bubbly feeling when I saw him. My heart skipped a beat and a smile crossed my face (kind of like how I'm smiling now just thinking of him). I can't help but be in the greatest mood whenever I'm with him. He truly is one of my closest friends! We totally relate to each other. But nothing had changed since the last time I saw him. I had no idea as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. I was kind of devastated, but thought that eventually it'd get better and things would blow over. As the week went over my heart began cracking and pieces began to disappear. What had I done? I revealed my feelings to this guy and he didn't even blink twice! I began to lie awake at night. I didn't sleep, my heart wouldn't let me. It was as if my heart had gained fifty pounds and no longer could bear to go on. Friday was the hardest. I held back tears all day. He barely talked to me all day. I got home and completely fell apart. I pride myself on being an independant woman who lives to the fullest, and succeeds in everything I start. So it scared me to completely fall apart over this guy. Luckily my friends saw my cry for help and invited me over for a chat. And I'm glad I went. One of my closest friends, my guardian angel, guided me and told me to let this guy know that I won't wait for him forever. So I wrote him (electronically, of course) and told him that whether he has feelings for me or doesn't, I need to know. I told him I wanted to be friends with him because he's a great guy, but if he doesn't have feelings for me I need to move on. Now, I'm having trouble staying away from the computer. I feel like it's a weight attached to my side. I'm making myself completely sick over it. But I've decided I can't let this guy tear me down. I am so much stronger than him. If he wants to lead me on, he's not the guy I thought he was. Whatever his response is to my note, I'm going to live my life the way I want. And I advise everyone out there to never forget who they are. Guys don't make us, or complete us! We don't need them. Who we are makes us, and completes us. The only people we need (99% of the time) is us. And the other 1%? The only people who can make that up, are the people who care about us. So never forget who you are. And stay true to yourself.

xoxoSweet Dreams