Dreaming of Answers

Hello there! This week has been a roller coaster, mostly going down. Last weekend was amazing! I had a great time with my friends, and this guy I've been talking about talked to me online for a while, and I told him I liked him! Then it all came crashing down. But not all at once. Seeing him for the first time was scary and invigorating at the same time. After I told him how he felt, he didn't tell me how he felt. I had no idea, so I was nervous to see him. Although nerves took over my body, I couldn't help but get a bubbly feeling when I saw him. My heart skipped a beat and a smile crossed my face (kind of like how I'm smiling now just thinking of him). I can't help but be in the greatest mood whenever I'm with him. He truly is one of my closest friends! We totally relate to each other. But nothing had changed since the last time I saw him. I had no idea as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. I was kind of devastated, but thought that eventually it'd get better and things would blow over. As the week went over my heart began cracking and pieces began to disappear. What had I done? I revealed my feelings to this guy and he didn't even blink twice! I began to lie awake at night. I didn't sleep, my heart wouldn't let me. It was as if my heart had gained fifty pounds and no longer could bear to go on. Friday was the hardest. I held back tears all day. He barely talked to me all day. I got home and completely fell apart. I pride myself on being an independant woman who lives to the fullest, and succeeds in everything I start. So it scared me to completely fall apart over this guy. Luckily my friends saw my cry for help and invited me over for a chat. And I'm glad I went. One of my closest friends, my guardian angel, guided me and told me to let this guy know that I won't wait for him forever. So I wrote him (electronically, of course) and told him that whether he has feelings for me or doesn't, I need to know. I told him I wanted to be friends with him because he's a great guy, but if he doesn't have feelings for me I need to move on. Now, I'm having trouble staying away from the computer. I feel like it's a weight attached to my side. I'm making myself completely sick over it. But I've decided I can't let this guy tear me down. I am so much stronger than him. If he wants to lead me on, he's not the guy I thought he was. Whatever his response is to my note, I'm going to live my life the way I want. And I advise everyone out there to never forget who they are. Guys don't make us, or complete us! We don't need them. Who we are makes us, and completes us. The only people we need (99% of the time) is us. And the other 1%? The only people who can make that up, are the people who care about us. So never forget who you are. And stay true to yourself.

xoxoSweet Dreams

Dreaming of Life

"You never know what you've got til its gone..." Have you ever really listened to these words? Have you ever tried to comprehend their meaning? I know I hadn't. Until now. Life lessons can come from the strangest of places. Some are expected. Some, however, are so expected that they become unexpected. I hope you can understand that. A year ago I found out a very good family friend (a women about my mom's age) was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was devestating news. This women practically raised me. I will never forget this one time when she had bought dinner for me (McDonalds, or 'MickyDonalds' as I prefered). I became so upset when I unwrapped my kids meal cheesburger and found mustard on it! How could that have happened! I became hysterical. However, my guardian angel *this woman* came into the kitchen and scrapped the mustard off until I was satisfied. This memory will live with me forever. Today I got a text message from my mom saying she passed into immortality last night. My heart began to pound, the feeling unexplainable. Tears streaming from my face, I remembered the night she scrapped the mustard off of my cheeseburger and began to wonder what makes people extrodinary. I don't believe it has to do anything with whether you are smart, or rich, or talented. I began to realize that the love one gives to others is the most extrodinary thing one can give. This woman was unbelievably good. She will be remebered by all. I know she'll always be in my heart. So a lesson to all: Seek the good in yourself. Something amazing will come when you search your heart to find the things that mean the most to you.

xoxoSweetDreams

Dreaming of New Orleans

Hey ALL!! So at this moment I am so irritated with my eldest sister! She's pregnant and due end of July (which is super exciting). So, my mom and I had a trip planned to New Orleans at the end of July also. We were going to this whole youth conference thing down there, and we were going to help at Habitat for Humanity and stuff like that. Which is super exciting. We were going with the church I used to attend (before I moved). I was really excited my mom was going with me because I only have like one friend at that church and I haven't talked to her since I moved so it was going to be weird. So I was excited to have my mom coming with me so I wouldn't be completely alone. Well today my mom told me that she told the director of the trip that she wasn't going because she was going to go to Colorado (where my sister lives) to be there when she has her baby. And I was extremely peeved. And (unexpectedly) I just like broke down crying (partly because of anger, partly because of sadness). I'm so pissed at my sister right now, because she thinks she's the most important thing in this family. She thinks that everyone should bow down before her! UGH I'm so mad at her right now! She literally told my mom she couldn't go on the trip with me because it was the week she was due! She's flipping 26 for crying out loud! She's a big girl, I'm pretty sure she can have a baby on her own! And my mom already had plans!! I think that's just rude! I'm sure after I yell and scream at her I'll feel better. :) Well I'm off! My family is going for a walk! (Yay excersize!!) Keep Dreaming!

xoxo Sweet Dreams

Dreaming of Romance

Hello there! So apparently I can't keep track of my time, or I would have written ages ago!! Sorry to keep you all waiting. Lately there has been so much confusion in my brain. Have you ever felt like the one person you want to be with is the one person you can't have? Because it seems every time I develope a new crush, he's the wrong guy. So should I continue to flirt? or Should I forget him completely? Well, for now I'm going to continue getting my flirt on, because. well...That is how I roll! :) And if anyone out there is in a similar position, listen to: I Don't Need a Man by the Pussycat Dolls. It's real upbeat and helps you gain a new attitude. But let me tell you all about this guy. He is so beautiful (I know that's weird to call a guy beautiful, but hott would be focusing too much on body) and his eyes are gorgeous :) And besides his looks (because girls, there is more to men then looks) he is super funny, which is exactly what I love. And he has goals to go to medical school (which is super hott to me :)) but he also has a bit of a bad side (a.k.a he likes to stir up trouble in class). There's only one thing missing; a passion for music, like mine. But maybe there's a love for music deeper down. I'll just have to keep getting to know him to find out :)

Well as you all know (and if you don't, know you do) it's Tuesday, so I'm off to watch American Idol. Until next time!!

xoxoSweet Dreams

Dreaming of Summer

Hello World. So I've been sitting here awhile shivering in my boots. It's negative a bajillion degrees outside and I'm dreaming of curling in a warm ball. I was so mad this morning when school wasn't cancelled!! We were the only school in the county to not close our school! How stupid!!! But that's okay. It's the beginning of a four day weekend and I am definitely ready to get a partyy started!! So why I'm sitting here on a Thursday night at 8:22 is beyond me. I'm off to get in trouble!!

xoSweet Dreams